as cloudy as the clouds

Tuesday, 26 October 2010


Another cloudy day in Netherlands. Six degrees celcius with an off heater at my room. With an off warm water at my bath. Huufffpphhh another case to complain.

Sometimes people just get so excited when their dreams,,their needs could be fulfilled by someone else. And that is egoistic self-centered human being. I had fulfilled someone else's dream. My landlord dreams. I fill his room, I behave as a good girl. Not so a lot of complains like any others. I pay my rent monthly in good order, well one or five days late could not be a problem ^^.
Guess I was just born to be a good behave people-respected girl. I do not make a single damage broken things to the house. An old, antique house that was built on 1824. I just loved this house, that's all. Now when the situation is changed. He just disappeared like ghost, yeah an ugly ghost. wait, ugly patethic blankie guy.

I just can not believed that even my relationship was putting into this kind of thing. Oh my hubby, this is just not worth, isn't it?Do not leave me lonely without your kiss from our last night fight. Because I am just not in a mood of another big fighting.
And now everything is just hanging anywhere. That stupid declaration document was just going to be my sign of another hard losing my guarantee money.

I do not have any energy left. I feel like I want to stumbling down and faint and bed-rest at home. But in fact, I am in a healthiest condition I ever had. I think maybe everytime we had such a weird problem like this, with a cold freezy weather like this, with a relationship like this all you want to do just sleep, lay down, with a hot chocolate on your arms watching some drama lonely movie. That will work!

hari ini,cuaca di zeeland kurang begitu bagus,awan mendung di pagi hari
saya tau hari ini begitu gampang diisin dengan segala keberuntungan,
dan saya tahu itu salah.
niatnya mengeluarkan keringat di pagi hari,dengan berjalan saya berharap agar bisa naik bus
saya ambil sebuah majalah di stasiun,saya masukkan ke tas kerja saya
saya terus berjalan hingga bus berada sekitar 50 meter di depan saya
saya pikir,sudahlah naik saja,walaupun uang tidak cukup,setidaknya si supir akan berbaik hati mempersilahkan saya masuk
rasanya tidak mungkin lagi saya berbalik kembali ke rumah untuk akhirnya mengambil uang
cuaca hampir hujan,waktu hampir menunjukkan stg 8 pagi.

saya hanya butuh teman berbicara.
cerita diatas nampaknya tidak perlu dilanjutkan kembali
saya hanya butuh perhatian, agar orang orang tahu saya ada di sekitaran mereka
saya hanya butuh berbicara, dengan siapapun yang ada disana
tanya saya
tertawa bersama saya
saya merasa kesepian disini,,,